Then last Tuesday happened.
I was surrounded by these amazing athletes. Triathletes, runners, obstacle course competitors - all of them dedicated to their sport. All of them amazing and so inspirational. And I was privileged to stand among them. Then I was told that I belonged to that cadre of inspiration. I didn't quite agree with that idea. I didn't have a race on my calendar, I didn't have anything incredible to discuss. Yes, I had completed some cool things, but I didn't see myself as being on par with the collection of talent I saw around me.
Then I listened to some of the words that were shared with me.
And those words started to sink in and take hold. I've spent some time reflecting on the things I've done and what the significance is to me and my world. I've started to get back to what really drives me and my intensity.
I love racing. I love competing. I love the regimen and demand of training for a goal. There is nothing that can compare to feeling of knowing that I am pushing past my own limits and crushing my fears while reaching for something that I once considered unattainable.
Over the last year I lost that focus. And that is okay. I needed to get a little lost. I needed to lose that part of myself so that I could find it again.
I found it today.
Today was the day that I pulled my bike out of the closet. I unwrapped the trainer and set it up in my new home. Today, as I was riding my beautiful bike on the trainer I bought over a year ago - in a different life - I found myself again. As my heart was pounding, as I was breathless and I was fully immersed in a workout that existed just for me I realized that I am ready to get back to what makes my heart race and gives me so much joy.
It's different this time around. For a million reasons, but mostly, because this time, it is for me. No one else. I can't wait.
I've found me again. It's a pretty awesome place to be.