If you never ask the question,
the answer is always NO.
When I was looking for LesMills training opportunities a few months back, the Groundworks training for BodyPump and CXWORX showed up. It was less then 20 minutes away from my house. The trainer was my Initial Trainer for BodyPump and the person who was also part of my BodyPump AIM2 training - although she wasn't my trainer for that module.
I didn't sign up for the Groundworks. I was afraid. I was terrified of failing again. When I prepared to go through my AIM2, I had such high hopes and expectations for my outcome. None of those goals were achieved. Which was awful. It was heartbreaking and my ego and my self-esteem took a huge hit. I felt like a total failure.
I cried. I cried a lot. Then I was bitter. Then I stopped feeling sorry for myself. THEN, I learned. I took a GIANT step back and asked the really tough questions: why am I an instructor? Why does this matter? If I am truly trying to be a better instructor, getting some cold, hard truths about how to improve should be welcomed. And then I went back to basics.
The Groundworks training was an opportunity to receive more feedback and continue my work. But I was terrified. What if I hadn't improved? What if I really had no potential to be better? Those fears were overwhelming. Fear of failure had me paralyzed and not willing to step out of my comfort zone.
But then I saw the quote again:
If you never ask the question, the answer is always NO.
So I took a deep breath and signed up.
I am so glad I did. The training was today. Megan was awesome and gave all of us there a safe place to take the risk and present part of a track. She then shared some very helpful feedback and specific goals for me to fine tune what I'm doing.
We got the opportunity to talk after the training was over and a friend asked me if I was upset about how my AIM2 training went. Here is my reply:
Getting "Instructor with a Plan" (the lowest outcome possible) was the best gift I've received. It made me take a step and seriously evaluate everything I'm doing as a LesMills Instructor. It made me self-evaluate and get back to the basics, which I seriously lacked.
I am so incredibly thankful for the people that have come into my life because of that training. I am even more thankful for the life lessons that I have been able to take with me as a result of that weekend. I can't wait until I get the opportunity to go through my AIM2 again. It won't be the same because I won't be the same. But